Just a reminder for all you out there. Remember that someone finds you terribly attractive. Because of what your body is, will be, and the journey it has taken to get there.
For my boyfriend who sees my presurgery chest as the muscles behind the mound of flesh hiding it, and the tiny cock he sucks like the real deal.
You know what I’m doomed to think every time I see a stop sign now don’t you?
(Source: thevelvetedge)
This is totally how I’ve begun to veiw life since that big break up two years ago.
(Source: emilyjburke)
He didn’t need to be so sweet
Yet, B was sweet, kind and attentive to me the entire day. I expected to wake up, have breakfast, and go home. We both woke a little out of sorts, but had some wonderful sweet sex. It was the first time I felt like I’ve ever had makeup sex. I was sort of grouchy but he made me feel sexy, safe and cared for. Then the big surprise came.
He asked me to stay the day with him and make this special turkish chicken we planned to make sometime. We cooked it together, ate, watched tv, and then napped until 5ish. He woke me from my nap and asked if I wanted to see the Avengers. So, we figured out a way for me to go to my cookout and then meet him up for the film.
He showed up downtown with my forgotten waterbottle and two special dark chocolate bar one orange and the other raspberry. Then he paid for my ticket and told me he wanted to do something special for me because of last night.
And I melt.
He didn’t need to do anything, but I felt like he spent the day righting our whole fight last night. No, I don’t need him to take me out or buy things, but he did and it resulted in us spending some great quality time together. That time and shared experience is what made the difference.
B has such a kind heart, and it shines through all of the time. Relationships aren’t easy but they are worth it.
Thank you sweetie.
Hes sleeping on the couch…
But I’m the one trying to sleep in his bed. Not quite sure how this all happened. In brief we had been snuggling in bed and he said he was going to the bathroom after being a little twitchy and not falling alseep right away. I lay there waiting sleepily for his return, my hand resting in his spot. After some time he had not returned and I got up to check and found him quietly snoring on the couch.
This would all be very cute if we hadn’t fought today. I know my actions have directly jarred him enough to not sleep as normal. I wish it weren’t so. I’m anxious and that combined with miscommunication on bothnparts lead to unhappy us.
It was so bad I actually cried while hashing things out on the phone with him. Needless to say I felt terrible and guilty for ruining his work day. You have to understand that the last time someone made me cry was my ex when we broke up. This doesn’t happen often. I guess it means I care a lot about him and really want him in my life.
It also means he has the ability to hurt me, but we already knew this. Caring and loving a person comes with that risk, and I’ve let B into my world pretty heavily. We are similar in a few key areas, one main one is that we’ve both been hurt in the past by the tendancy to aquiese to the wants and desires of other people. Yet we are both self aware of that and are assertive about sticking to our guns and making sure needs are met. I tried today to assert my needs for him to come over at a certain time and day, but failed to communicate properly and he gave into that but thentook it back latter when there was confusion.
It was complicated and no one is really to blame. If anyone is it is me. I was trying to take control of the relationship as I feel sometimes that, due to my always staying at his apartment as mine is not good for guests, I do not have any control over when I see him. Yes he does haveme over often and probably more than is condusive to his work. The issue is that its still on his turf and his terms. Presently the only control I have in when I see him is in saying no to coming over to see him. That doesn’t happen often because I am a really social and frankly fucking needy person.
I guess that my fear, as with past relationships, is that I will end up pushing him away with my neediness and affection. Aka, my crazy. I’m a guy who needs daily contact, perferably in person, but phone if needed. I love sending and receiving texts and facebook messages. I always end up feeling like a jerk because I need All this from a relationship and overwhelm them.
I’m the tool who loves to much, to soon, to strongly, to often. I know that is who I am, so for the first time early in a relationship I’ve held back those sorts of things. Keeping my “crazy” under wraps, even when my chest is bursting with emotion and joy. I’m either handling myself really well and more maturely or else I’ve misread what everyone tells me and am repressingthis joy I feel for all the wrong reasons. It feels like I’m repressing out of fear honestly. I don’t know.
B is a wonderful person who I love having around me for so many reasons. I don’t handle conflict well. Hell I avoid it like the plauge which is why my past relationships held almost no inciden es of true honest conflict, because I am a fixer. I smooth things over.
I’ve begun to ramble and the fact of the matter is it is now 3:30am and I haven’t slept at all. My only consolation is that at least he is sleeping soundly out there somehow packing his six foot frame on to that little loveseat of a couch that I struggle to fit in. I want his night to be restful so that he can be productive with his work tomorrow.
Wish me luck as I try to negotiate these damned emotions that keep wellingnup in my chest and throat. Prehaps now that I’ve written sleep will find me.
What I am doing to improve my financial situation
- Started second job.
- Began tracking finances on Mint.com
- Moving into a new apartment with roommates. Saving 150 dollars per month.
- Nearly eliminated bar drinking.
- Buying more groceries = less spent on prepared food.
- Spending spare time at work learning about personal financing.
- Getting a discount gym membership. Physical health improved =fewer medical costs and missed days at work. This will also yield better surgery results.
- Networking with new connections at second job. =>potential job leads
I’m optomistic about my goals for this year which are largely financing surgery and living a more healthy lifestyle.
The Topless Toby Fund!!!
This is my personal fund raising site. I’m asking for any help you might be able to give me in reaching my ultimate goal of $8500 I have managed to scrimp, save, start a second job, and beg a little money off of my friends here and there.
I plan to take out a medical loan to cover the last two grand and pay it off after, but I will need all the help I can get to make this 6 year goal a reality. Its going to be a challenge but I hope to reach my goal by November. I’m giving this my all. Your help is appreciated greatly.
Yeah, I think I care too much sometimes.
(Source: angelthatsins)
Sternberg, R. J. (1986) - Triangular Theory of Love
(I think most of my relationships have been romantic love.)
I have really loved this diagrams ever since I saw it in the worst psych class ever. Still such a great visual of types of love. obviously it doesn’t take into play the huge complexity of the three elements but shows a great picture.
(Source: annalouise90)
I’m going to be in a magazine this month!
We had the photo shoot on Monday. Its an article in the local gay magazine about my fraternity Delta Lambda Phi.
Pretty sweet!
I should like to have this please.
100,000 LED Lights Illuminate a Japanese River
Tokyo Hotaru Festival 2012 took place recently, releasing 100,000 blue LED lights to float in the Sumida River. The bulbs rolled along the waves of the river bank, mimicking hotaru (the Japanese word for “fireflies”), for the festival that celebrates the Japanese tradition of watching fireflies float along a watercourse. The spectacular event lit up the waterway with a sparkling sapphire radiance against the night sky.
The solar-powered LED balls, known as prayer stars, were designed to illuminate when they came in contact with water and were provided by Panasonic, one of the event’s sponsors. At the close of the festival, the bulbs were gathered by giants nets and removed from the stream.
(Source: zach-levi)
